“Here you go,” I said, tearing off an entire paper towel sheet for her.
“Thanks, Mama,” she said, smearing her fingers across one side.
We had given up on proper napkins a long time ago. They didn’t absorb the spills as well, and when we gave one to our toddler she would just crumple the whole thing in her little hands, wasting 95% of it. We went through so many napkins each meal that it made more sense to tear off only what she needed from a big paper towel instead. (I suppose we could have taught her not to waste the towel, but… uh… getting there.)
This time, I was generous. I gave her a WHOLE SHEET. She accepted it with big eyes and a sense of responsibility. And then she kept eating. And I kept feeding her little brother. And of course, messes kept happening.
I recently got to spend some quality time with a couple of my best friends. Moms only. It was great. We talked about our kids, our jobs, our marriages, and our personal triumphs and struggles. The hours felt like minutes.
It’s not easy to develop friendships like this. As Angela described it, it’s easy to make “small talk” and remark on the weather and current events. Most people are comfortable moving on to “shop talk,” sharing about personal and common interests. It’s less common for conversations to progress to “self talk,” where you cover more personal things. Even more rare are the conversations that reach a deep level of “soul talk,” where you get into the nitty gritty of what’s going on in your heart and soul- the beautiful and also the unspeakable things.
She had heard about this progression of conversation at a seminar she attended at her church, The River. They had this fantastic seminar where they basically taught church members how to love better. Part of that is living in community and sharing life together. Real life, past the small talk.
That’s the kind of community I want to live in. Not one where we just talk about the weather and the news, but one where we can really be honest about who we are, be confident that we are loved despite everything, and be encouraged to be better. But it’s not always that easy, even for me. It’s not like you can just decide you want to go deep and it happens. So how on earth do you get past that and actually talk about matters of the soul? I think the full answer includes a lot of things, like spending time together, building a community of trust, and innumerable factors that range from personal history to the current state of your heart and your own willingness to expose it to others.
But here is something real and practical that may help: a list of questions. As part of the seminar, staff at the church had developed a list of questions designed to help move conversations from personal talk into soul talk. I wish I could share more about how to build a community of trust and love that ultimately ushers everyone towards God, but I’m no expert. Instead, I will share with you this list of questions that hopefully can us deepen our conversations and ultimately love each other better.
If someone shares a personal life experience with you, these questions will help them go deeper to examine their heart and also see how God has worked or is working.
Moving from SELF TALK to SOUL TALK:
- What was that like for you?
- How did you experience God (or not) in the midst of that experience?
- What happens when you pray about that?
- What questions does that raise for you?
- Do you have a sense of God’s invitation to you?
I thought about giving examples of how these questions can affect a conversation, but I think it’d be better for you to try it and see for yourself! If you are in a community of believers and are hoping to take your conversations to the next level, considering using these questions to spur one another on!
Did you know that Napa cabbage (aka Chinese cabbage) is better for you than KALE?! On this list of 10 Superfoods Healthier than Kale, it comes in at #2, second only to watercress! (Okay so WebMD puts kale as #1 and cabbage as #9, but still. It makes the top 10 either way!). This was a surprise to me because kale is a well-known veggie all-star, while Napa cabbage always seemed so plain… and pale… and not dark leafy greenish.
Right when I decided I had to learn how to cook it, someone asked for Napa cabbage recipes on one of my Facebook groups! One of the supermoms there (who blogs at L@WS) shared a bunch of recipes with us, including one called “Chinese Cabbage in Clear Sauce.” It looked simple enough: make sauce, then pour over boiled cabbage.
So I made some sauce. Then I poured it over boiled cabbage. And it was delicious! More importantly, my toddler loved it. Simple, healthy, and toddler-approved? DONE. Since then, I’ve made it so many times that my recipe printout is covered in sauce stains, which I take as a sign that it deserves a spot on my blog. Enjoy!
Last week, I went to a worship gathering, and someone spoke about how our Creator must feel about His creation. The closest I’ve ever come to creating anyone was carrying and giving birth to my children. I mean, I guess all I really did was let my body be the vessel that God used to create a human life, but still, I got to take part in that awesome miracle. It’s the closest understanding I’ll ever have to being a creator of life, and it breathed new life into common Christian ideas I’ve gotten used to.
People often ask me how parenting has changed my understanding of God. Here are some things that came to mind tonight as I reflected on God and how He relates to us, His creation.
Find rest in God
There is no feeling in the world like your child resting her head on your chest. They lay their small head right there and everything else in the world just melts away. You delight in being a source of comfort, love, and rest for that child, and treasure every second of it because you know that in about 20 seconds, they’ll be up and bouncing around the house again. Sweet cuddles.
Can you believe that God feels the same way toward us? He loves to be our place of comfort, for us to find our rest in him, for us to relax and flomp our weary heads on his chest. He desires to hold us tight and listen to us breathe and I imagine he likes when we try to listen for His heartbeat.
A Lamp Unto Bible reading app: now available for iOS devices!
I think it is good and important to read the Bible. After all, I actually believe these are words that God had written for us. I believe it shows us true things about God. I believe it gives me instructions for living a meaningful, love-filled life that will glorify Him.
But I am also human. And I have a newborn. And a toddler. And golly, I LOVE to sleep. Reallyreallyreally. Like, at this very moment, I’m fighting the urge to go take a nap instead of write this post. #thestruggleisreal (I’ve always wanted to use that hashtag haha)
I’ve decided to write this post, even though both children are in bed for a nap at the same time, because that’s how badly I think word needs to get out about this awesome app. Full discloser: my husband wrote the app. If you know my husband, though, you know that he is a man of excellence. Seriously. Not only is he brilliant, but anything he does, he does well. He drives well. He dresses well. He puts together amazing material to teach at Sunday school. He does our finances excellently. His smile is excellent.
You get the idea.
So of course, when he set his mind to create a Bible app, it was just that: excellent. This app is so thoughtful in all the right ways. It’s the kind of app that has solutions to problems you didn’t even realize you had. Tired of feeling defeated on December 31 when you’re only halfway through the Bible? Then pick the “3 chapters per day” plan instead. Sick of starting in Genesis and giving up by Deuteronomy? Try the chronological or “Genre rotation” plan instead. Only have time to read on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Then check those boxes and make it so!
Sorry. Couldn’t stop myself. Clearly, I need a nap.
This app makes it possible for you to create a reading plan that suits your lifestyle and personality to make Bible-reading more realistic and doable. It’s so super handy!
It’s been three years now, and it’s still hard for me. It’s hard for me to go back there. It’s hard for me to remember and relive that pain, and it’s hard for me to think about the daughter I have now and wonder if I will even get to keep her for as long as I want.
We never even got to hold her ashes. When I called the funeral home, to ask about them, they said they had already scattered them. Apparently there had been a mix-up with our request, so they went ahead and did that without us even knowing. They gave me the coordinates of where they had sprinkled her ashes. In the ocean. Hers, and several other babies’.
And just like that, she was gone.
My mind was blank. To this day, I still don’t know what to do with this information. Would we drive to the closest point on the coast each year and try to imagine something we were never a part of? Would we take a boat out to a specific spot and think of how her remains are now far, far away from this spot?
Instead, I’ve decided that every time I touch the ocean, there’s a little bit of her there, somewhere. I draw a heart into the sand, and the water washes it away into the vast greatness that holds her remains.
It never felt like enough, but I didn’t know what else to do.
We planted a tree in her memory in our side yard, which you can see from our dining table. It’s called the Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow tree, because the blooms come out a vibrant purple, then fade to lavender the next day, and then turn white the next day. My dad picked it out, and the symbolism of her fleeting moments with us is not lost on us. Every year it has bloomed beautifully for a few weeks, the purple, lavender, and white flowers budding, full of life. But most of the year, it is bare and empty, a reminder of the little girl we do not have anymore.
I read something on Momastary about One Good Thing, a tradition where parents invite their friends to do one good thing that day in honor of the child they have lost.
I liked it. I like the idea that we still remember, but we redeem that terrible tragedy and allow good to pour forth. What a beautiful way to remember and honor a child’s life. At first I felt like it was too late for us to start a tradition like this… after all, we’ve already missed the last three years. But that’s silly. It’s never too late to start A Good Thing.
We still love you, and we still remember you. We remember you when we hold your little sister desperately tight in our arms, and when we see your tree in bloom. We remember you in our pictures, and in the mementos of you in our home. We remember you when we see the great, vast ocean:
Your love is deeper than any oceans
Higher than the Heavens
Reaches beyond the stars in the sky
–Kutless
I think of how that ocean represents His love and His grace, and how you are now melded into that Love and Grace. And I relish in the knowledge that it’s not just symbolic- it’s true; you’re there with our Creator now, and you know that Love and Grace better than I ever will in this lifetime. Blessed Joy.
I hope we can remember you in joy and happiness by encouraging others to honor your life by doing One Good Thing.
———–
Dear Readers,
It would mean so much to me if you took a moment today to do one good thing. Whether it is holding the door for someone or donating to a charity, it would be a special way of remembering and honoring the life of our first daughter. Thank you for allowing me to share this part of my life with you.
JoEllen
He’s coming.
In <6 weeks.
I’m excited!
I’m also terrified, because I love sleep and I love going out and let’s be honest, I love myself. But round two of denying yourself and devoting almost all of yourself to someone else’s life and well-being… well, it’s just around the corner!
I had grand plans to get several posts up and ready ahead of time, scheduled so it’d seem like everything on my blog continued as normal, but so far I am exactly zero posts ahead of the game, and I’m even scrambling to get this week’s out. Because I already find that juggling life with a toddler is plenty of work. Seriously how does everybody do it?!
Everyone’s been asking if we’re ready. We’ve transitioned our little girl out to a new room so baby boy is just taking over her old stuff (let the hand-me downs begin!), procured enough clothing to last him his first 1.5 years of life, and even installed his carseat. I think we are good to go. I’ve been reading books to prep big sister for baby’s arrival, and even got her a little baby doll to carry around and play with! She loves kissing my swollen belly and gently patting the baby, so I think she likes him so far. We’ll see how that progresses once he’s out and here to stay!
If you have ever attempted, are attempting, or have considered attempting to read ANY PART OF THE BIBLE, EVER, YOU MUST READ THIS POST.
I have something REALLY REALLY REALLY COOL AND EXCITING TO SHARE WITH YOU!!!
YES. IT DESERVES ALL THESE CAPS.
>>>> tldr: CHECK THIS OUT. <<<<
Update, 2/24/2020: I had previously titled this post, “How to lead a Bible study.” Then one day, I randomly thought about how this is not how I would lead a Bible study, but how I would lead a small group–maybe a book study, or follow-up discussion after a message. Very different. Bible study requires a lot of different skills and tools that I do not even begin to cover here! Please replace “Bible study” with “small group” in the rest of this post. Thanks!
This summer, my group at church decided to split into men’s and women’s small groups, and I happen to be leading a couple of the meetings for the women. I’m leading one this Thursday, actually. And here’s
the surprising thing: I’m feeling pretty relaxed about it. This definitely has not always been the case. It used to be that when it was my turn to lead the group, I’d dread it from the very moment I signed up to lead. The feeling of dread and regret (for signing up) would grow as the date neared and, being the procrastinator I am, I’d put off the awful, burdensome task of preparing until the night before. It was no fun, and I just couldn’t wait to get the whole thing over with.
I worried. What if people didn’t talk? What if nobody read the material? What if no one showed up? What if nobody answered my questions? What if I had nothing insightful to share? What if no one got anything out of it? What if we ran out of things to talk about? What if it was… silent?! Oh, the dreaded awkward silence. I over-prepared and set up activities and tried to think of back-up questions and exercises to take up time to ensure that we could fill up the long two hours that I was supposed to be in charge. Ugh. How could two hours feel so long?
6/19/2015: Congrats to Terra, the winner of the Bug Zooka giveaway!
There’s a lot to love about summer, but here’s one thing I always used to dread about the season: SPIDERS. Silverfish. Bugs. Ewgh! However, several years ago, I decided to look for a solution to this annual problem, and I came across the most amazing product: The Bug Zooka
- It totally works. Just push the button, and the device uses a spring mechanism that produces a vacuum, sucking the bug through a one-way trap door and into a clear catch tube. A dark grey catch tube is included for the extra squeamish (so you don’t have to look at the bug you just caught).
- You don’t have to get near the bug. It’s about 30 inches long, so you can stay a good distance away and avoid viewing your captives up-close.
- You don’t have to kill the bug yourself. You can remove the catch tube and let the bug free outside if you want. Or you can let the bug(s) die in the catch tube over time and then empty it (or let someone else empty it…) much later.
- Spiders don’t run away from it. When you try to kill spiders with a napkin or something, they always start running away just as you’re about to get them. It freaks everybody out. With the Bug Zooka, you can bring the tip of the catch tube right over the spider for optimal sucking and it won’t flinch at all! It’s like they can’t sense or see the thing at all, so it’s super easy to catch them.
- You don’t have to stand on chairs to catch spiders on the ceiling anymore. With the built-in extender, it can reach any place a human + chair can. This kind of goes with my second point, but I thought it deserved a bullet all its own. NO MORE BALANCING ON CHAIRS!! Isn’t that great?! I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s been afraid of getting startled by the spider and falling off the chair…
- You don’t have to use tissue to pick up crunchy dead spiders anymore. EW gross I shudder just thinking about it and hate the word crunchy in this context. But you know what I mean. Just suck it up, then forget about it. Whew.
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