I attended a training for Sunday school teachers this past weekend, and came across the most unexpected piece of advice: don’t make eye contact with the students.
Wait, what?? Did I hear that correctly? Don’t make eye contact?
Yet I knew inside, even as I wondered this, that it was exactly what the instructor meant. Because as I thought back to her slow and deliberate model lesson earlier that day, I remembered that she had indeed kept her eyes down on the materials and on her hands the entire time. It had been calming and strangely entrancing.
But it was still very counter-intuitive for me. She went on to explain, “This will be especially hard for those of you who come from a teaching background.”
Yes.
“You’re used to making eye contact to keep the students engaged and to make sure they are paying attention. You need to release your students from that. Release them from that. If they are trying too hard to look at you to show you they are paying attention, then they won’t be able to see the lesson and focus as well.”
Hrh. I guess that made sense, in a sad, ironic sort of way: The effort I put into helping them stay focused could be the very thing that took away from their complete focus.
The whole class is chatting or busy in activity, but you need your quickly grab your students’ attention. What do you do? Every teacher has got some sort of attention getting signal up their sleeve. I remember one of my teachers had a wooden frog that croaked when she stroked a dowel across it’s bumpy back. Another used xylophones. Another would hit a gong, and we’d sit there and quiet down as the vibrations faded away. The sounds certainly caught my attention, but I’ve never quite taken to these quieting tools, probably because I am a very efficient person. Are you going to lug the frog with you on a field trip? Can you take the gong with you outside? Do you really want to wait 18 seconds to get your class quiet every time you need to say something? For me, the answer is no.
Here are the three attention-getting signals I used the most, and I’ll explain why I found them to work best for me.
A few months ago, I led a teacher training on how to use a new behavior system in Sunday school at my church. I outlined how the system of consequences would work, with the consequences progressing from a simple verbal warning all the way to stepping outside for some time out. Then one of the teachers shared her situation with me, “What if the kids want to go outside? When I threaten to send them outside, they say, ‘Oooh, can I go now?’ as if it’s a treat!”
First of all, ouch. That is a low blow, and hard for any teacher to hear– especially when she has volunteered time on her Sunday morning to serve children!
Before I had a chance to respond, another teacher chimed in, saying that we needed more severe consequences– stepping outside the room wasn’t going to motivate the kids enough to stop poor behavior. Ack. This was not the direction I was hoping to head in!
I think I gave some response about the real purpose of consequences (not to punish but to provide consistent reinforcement of boundaries), and how we shouldn’t make kids behave out of fear. But I knew my answer was incomplete. I also offered an example of what I might have said in response to the child, but still… there was something more to it, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
Shaping hearts shapes behaviors
Months later, I started reading Don’t Make me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman, and I saw what the missing piece in my teacher instruction was. I realized it was missing not only from that training session, but also in previous posts I’ve written on shaping children’s behavior!
I once observed a teacher leading a large class of students. I could tell she didn’t have much experience teaching for a number of reasons, but one of the most obvious was that she kept getting derailed. A lot. She would be mid-sentence when a kid would suddenly shoot their hand in the air. It caught her off-guard with the urgency of a text message, and she took the bait every time. Even if she was working toward a main point, she allowed the hand to slice her words mid-sentence as she responded, “–Yes?”
The urgent hand waving in the air won her attention, and eventually, everyone else’s. After a series of similar interruptions, she soon lost the interest of all of the students and spent the rest of the lesson struggling to get it back (unsuccessfully). It was a disaster.
You know that exasperating thing that happens where you call on a student and they give the same answer that has just been said?
Me: What are some things we see in the sky?
Student #1: The sun!
Student #2: Planes.
Student #3: The sun!
Me: Someone already said that. Do you have another idea?
Student #3: Oh… um. PLANES!
Me: …
Or when they ask you a question that you’ve literally just answered:
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I had just started teaching a new group of students for Sunday school. After I introduced myself to the students, I immediately insisted on hand-raising. One kid rolled his eyes at me, as if to say, “Really? You’re going to make us do this?”
I shot him the look. He raised his hand.
I mean, I kind of get it. There were only six kids in the class that day– was this really necessary?
Here is one of my best tools for teaching: The Pair Share.
Most people learn well when they have a chance to verbally share and process new information. While it would be nice if they could share and process new learning with the instructor, this isn’t always realistic. Enter The Powerful Pair Share. There are many ways to use it.
A few months ago, I started a series on How to Shape Children’s Behavior, including posts on:
- preventing undesirable behavior in the first place/priming kids to behave well
- focusing your goals to maximize improvement
- using rewards effectively
- using consequences effectively
- the importance of being consistent
- teaching your children a better way to apologize
This was years of experience and teaching wisdom boiled down to seven posts. I had started off writing these with both teachers and parents in mind, and I think most of the things I shared can be effectively used in the classroom or at home. The rest of this post is written with teachers in mind, but anyone who is looking for a simple poster to use for consequences can just edit this one that I made and use it with clothespins! Just write the child’s name on a clothespin, stick it in the green section, and move it to yellow or red as needed.
Several years ago, I was asked to give a talk to Sunday School teachers at church on how to discipline children. My first thought was that I didn’t want to talk about disciplining children. Disciplining children implies that they’re misbehaving, but misbehaviors can be caused by a lot of things, not the least of which is the teacher’s inability to teach well. (I’m pretty sure I could talk for hours on that topic alone, but I’ll save it for another time.) Sure, every child has their weak moments, but there is a whole lot that a teacher can do to help students compose themselves respectfully and responsibly.
I find that the smoothest path involves anticipating and preventing misbehavior in the first place. If that ship has sailed, though, this is the next one you want to get on. Sometimes children come in with certain habits and behaviors and you need to proactively help them to work them out. Maybe it’s a girl who throws a tantrum every time something doesn’t go her way, or a child who has a habit of talking back. Perhaps it’s a small but persistent matter, such as getting a boy to tuck in his chair or keep his desk area tidy.
As a teacher, it can mean training your entire class to execute various procedures well, such as walking to and from the carpet area quickly, quietly, and ready to focus as soon as the transition is complete. I’ve worked with children on all of these and more, and have found that our success generally depended on my consistent execution of a few key skills. Yes, my execution. It’s not completely up to the child to improve himself. You can’t just tell a kid to “be better” or “stop doing that” and always expect her to know how to do it. You need to actively work with them to shape their behavior and help them grow as individuals.
In a series of posts, I have shared some of my experiences in shaping children’s behavior. Big or small, whole class or individual, there were a few key patterns that began to emerge in my behavior-shaping process. I constantly fine-tuned it over the years, and grew increasingly confident of my ability to effect positive change in children.
True, I have not actually shaped the behavior of my own children yet, but I really think that all these years as a teacher have given me a leg up to that end. Actually, one of the biggest reasons I wanted to be a teacher was to garner experience and wisdom from my career in order to enhance my effectiveness as a parent. So here’s a glimpse of what I have learned, for all you parents out there who didn’t get to spend eight years working with hundreds of kids before having your own. I hope to share some of the highlights of what I’ve learned over the years with you so that it may benefit you as you parent and teach children.
This post is part of my series on How to Shape Children’s Behavior.
Over the course of the last eight years, I’ve learned a lot about teaching. One thing I know for sure is that if you don’t have students’ behavior in check, you cannot teach as effectively. Children thrive in an environment where they know where the boundaries are and are able to respect them. Some kids need more help developing this ability than others. That’s where we come in.
Hopefully you’ve had a chance to read some of my other posts on setting clear expectations and laying out a graduated system of consequences. Now it’s time to follow through with these new behavioral structures. The beginning is probably the most formative time as your child feels out just how serious you are about holding them to your stated expectations and following through with the stated consequences.
It’s likely that you will soon experience the first few pokes and pushes as they subconsciously explore the new system(s) you’ve set up. This beginning period is definitely one of the most important times to consistently reinforce the boundaries with the consequences you have set forth. However, all your work will be for naught if you don’t continually show that the boundaries are still where you said they were—day after day, week after week, month after month. I know this all too well, because I watched all of my behavioral structures collapse again and again when I first started teaching.
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